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Weird Gamers
A thread was recently re-opened on RPGnet, where players swapped disgusting gamer stories. Reading them, they’re sometimes hilarious, sometimes depressing, usually disgusting and always interesting. I don’t have any disgusting gamer stories of my own, but I do have a few experiences with gamers that can be described only as weird.
One such gamer, we’ll call him Hank, always existed at the periphery of my high school gaming group - he had introduced our GM to gaming, and had gamed with him for years before our group formed. Occasionally, he’d sit in for one session or come by and run a one-night game, usually of a system and setting he had himself created. Hank seemed normal enough at first, and I discounted his strangeness as awkwardness due to being around new people and under-developed social skills - neither of which I considered unusual high school gamer-geeks.
One of the things that kept Hank out of group in the long run was his involvement in several LARPs, which proved to provide ample schedule conflicts. After my experience with the Cthlhu LARP, I was open to trying new things in gaming. Hank helped me prepare my character for the Vampire: The Masquerade game, explained the different clans and breeds of vampires and the current set-up of the group. After character creation, I was feeling pretty good about my character’s build and personality, and I looked forward to the game.
I arrive at the game, quasi-dressed as my character and with whatever props I had on hand - I had no problem diving into the game, but I wasn’t about to invest money in it until I’d played it and was sure I’d be playing it regularly. Among the props I brought were a pocket watch, a metal flask and a metal cigarette case. I arrive at the game and begin mingling with people out of character, introducing myself and trying to do my best to learn everyone’s name.
Among the twenty-five people there, there were three Story Tellers present - apparently two less than normal. After some time of mingling, one of the STs comes into the room and announces to everyone that the local nursing home had been robbed and several people were shot and killed. Apparently this was the start of the game.
As the game commences, I am grouped with ten or so other players who are attacking or defending something. The details were never clear to me, but bad-guys from a specific clan were unloading from a helicopter and attacking us. Several ridiculous feats of vampire strength and several thrown cars later, the bad guys have been beaten. I am told I am to call the others on the phone and tell them what happened. I explain that I am unclear on exactly what happened, and the players and STs proceed to feed the explanation I am to deliver, as I deliver it, line-by-line.
Realizing that I am not going to be clued into what’s going on, and thus I’ll be unable to roleplay my character with any accuracy, I retreat into the corner and drain the bit of vodka that was still in my flask from it’s last outing. Eventually, I am assigned baby-sitting duty for a little girl, which occupies my time for the rest of the evening.
At the end of the night, Hank, as one of the STs, talks to me about my character and informs me that he’s been promoted to the local head of his clan. After the massive reward with no involvement and no actual gameplay, I vowed never to return.
At this point, Hank is only a bad gamer and not a weird person. Years go by before I see him again, and I learn that despite being in his late twenties, he now dates high school girls on a regular basis and still lives in his parents basement. He listens to only German metal music, and works at a book store exclusively for the discounts provided on geek supplies.
On one trip to the book store, I was unlucky enough to be cornered by Hank and roped into a conversation about the new games he’s building. The newest one that he was most excited about was “like a cross between Magic and poker, but there are event cards like in Monopoly.” The following twenty minutes of the conversation always remind me of something Captain Picard once said, “He kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence, moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt.” Unfortunately, the conversation never left his new card game.
Hank doesn’t approach J.C. in weirdness. J.C. was a Convention Troll, going to every convention he could find in hopes of meeting new people and getting to play in games. If you go to any of his conventions, you probably know him - he looks like Malcolm McDowell in Star Trek Generations, if he were twenty years older and suffering from Alzheimer’s. J.C.’s approach was enough to scatter a table of people in the middle of the game. I once found out why, when he managed to strike up a conversation with me.
J.C. : “Do you wanna play in my game later on? It’s a cross of Star Trek, Star Wars, Babylon 5, Blade Runner, Battlestar Galactica, the original and the remake, Dune, Terminator, and Doctor Who.”
Me: “Uhhhhhhhhhhh”
J.C. : “It’s all perfectly legal! I did it using GURPs!”
Me: “Yeah, no thanks man.”
Later at the same convention, I would walk up to a gather game table and nodded at the hex map on the table.
Me: “Third edition DnD?”
J.C. (previously unseen): “No. We’re playing three point five.”
I took the opportunity to scurry away.
Honorable Mention to the M’Ladies Man, the West Point Orc, and The Judge.
Got any good weird gamer stories?
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4 Responses to “Weird Gamers”
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“like a cross between Magic and poker, but there are event cards like in Monopoly.”
Ugh. That would be enough for me to hate him forever right there.
“Got any good weird gamer stories?”
Tons… but the main one coming to mind was at Balticon where a friend of mine was cornered in the bathroom for close to an hour while a gamer who was quite famous for his weirdness babbled on about D&D. My friend says the only thing he can remember from the experience (having blanked out the rest from his memory) is the line “Sometimes, it’s just time to feed the Balor.”
Which has become quite the euphemism with us.
Dave T. Game’s last blog post..Inq. of the Week: Are you Ready to Rock?
” ‘like a cross between Magic and poker, but there are event cards like in Monopoly.’
Ugh. That would be enough for me to hate him forever right there.”
It was the first time I ever experienced cognitive dissonance. The last clear thing I remember is listening to him, and hear him use that phrase, and finding it impossible - it’s not what he meant. But no, in his descriptions it’s exactly what that phrase makes it sound like.
It gave me a new appreciation for what Investigators go through in Call of Cthulhu.
I’ve had my share of socially inept gamer stories.
My key weird experience is not so much about the gamer than the situation.
We were setting up for a summer Gurps game at McGill University’s Game Club in 1994. One one evening someone knocks at the door (no one ever knocked…) and in comes this British Telecom engineer.
He was in Montreal for 5 weeks, building these newfangled PCS systems for cell phones. He was looking for a game and he thought that the city’s biggest English University would be a good place to start.
Well, he joined our game that was about a Halfing accountant fleeing from his boss (A Lich Emperor) with a significant part of the empire’s loot.
He was nice and polite, but he created one of the most memorable characters I can remember. He asked me if he could build 2 seperate characters (A bloodthirsty fighter and a pacifist Thief Acrobat) and make them both in one body (i.e. split personality)…
… thing is, he played the Thief when there was a combat and the fighter when agility feats were required…
Oddly enough it worked and we had a blast for 5 weeks.
ChattyDm’s last blog post..Mining Tropes for RPG Goodness: Fighting Depression with some Deep Pression!
Thank you for finding this article! I have rarely seen a more wretched hive of scum and villiany…except at a convention…on the third day…after poverty stricken gamers spent 3 nights in their car…sweating.
Trask